Let Kids Be Kids: Why Rushing Childhood Doesn’t Help
In a world of accelerated academics and high expectations, it’s easy to forget that childhood is its own season, not a race to adulthood.
As a therapist who works with teens and families, I often see the stress caused by well-meaning adults who push kids too far, too fast. And it’s not just about grades, it’s about development, relationships, and identity.
The Pressure to Perform
Whether it’s academic competition, structured extracurriculars, or pressure to “grow up,” kids today are navigating adult-sized stress with child-sized tools. When we rush them through milestones—emotionally, socially, or intellectually—we rob them of the developmental foundation they need to thrive later on.
Development Takes Time
According to child development experts like Erikson and Piaget, identity and reasoning skills build in layers. You can’t rush critical thinking or emotional regulation. Kids need time to forge, fail, feel, and figure out. When we expect adult-like responses from young brains, we end up with kids who feel inadequate or overwhelmed—and parents who feel frustrated.
Support > Stress
The best gift we can give children is support, not structure alone. Empathy, patience, and curiosity about who they are (not just what they achieve) helps kids feel safe and seen. When kids feel emotionally supported, they’re more likely to develop resilience, curiosity, and healthy independence in their own time.
The 3 R’s of Emotion Regulation
According to child development research, the brain develops from the bottom up, meaning children need help regulating their bodies and emotions before they can reason or reflect. This is the heart of the 3 R’s model: Regulate, Relate, and then Reason.
When a child is dysregulated, tired, scared, or overwhelmed, they don’t need discipline or logic. They need safety and connection. Once calm and connected, then they can begin to problem-solve and learn. This is a reminder that emotional learning can’t be rushed any more than intellectual growth can.
Strategize Your Success
At Tactical Counseling, we take a developmentally informed approach to working with kids and families. Whether you're a parent, caregiver, or educator, psychotherapy can help you better understand the needs behind a child’s behavior and how to support them without overwhelming them. Let’s work together to meet kids where they are, not where we think they “should” be.
Resources for Further Reading:
- • Psychology Today – Child Development Basics
- • Erikson’s Stages of Development – Verywell Family
- • The 3 R’s of Emotion Regulation & the Brain – Institute of Child Psychology