Play, Preference, and the Power of Belonging
Play is how children explore the world—but it’s also how they explore themselves.
From superhero missions to tea parties, the ways children play shape how they form relationships, process emotions, and understand their place in the world.
Often, we see kids gravitate toward same-gender groups. It’s a common pattern, one driven by familiarity, comfort, and early developmental stages. But what happens when a child doesn’t fit that mold? What if a boy prefers cooperative games over competition, or a girl enjoys quiet building over dramatic role-play?
Why Kids Group by Gender
Research shows that children tend to form same-gender peer groups in early elementary years. These groups help them build identity, learn social rules, and navigate shared interests. But while this pattern is typical, it’s not universal, and it’s not always inclusive.
When a child’s play style doesn’t align with their peers’ expectations, they can experience exclusion or even rejection and bullying. Over time, these moments may impact self-esteem, emotional regulation, and the ability to form lasting peer connections.
The Cost of Not Belonging
For children who don’t quite “fit in,” loneliness can set in early. They may internalize the idea that something is wrong with them, or that they have to change to be accepted. Therapy can help children (and families) reframe these experiences with compassion and curiosity, focusing on strengths rather than conformity.
A Holiday Note: Room at the Table
This season, families gather. Classrooms and living rooms fill with laughter and games. As we reflect on what it means to belong, it’s a powerful time to ask: Is there room at the table, or in the playroom, for every kind of child?
Celebrating differences in how children play is a small but meaningful step toward teaching empathy, emotional resilience, and inclusion.
Strategize Your Success
At Tactical Counseling, we help parents and caregivers navigate the nuances of childhood development, including when things don’t follow the expected script. Whether your child feels left out or you're unsure how to support their needs, therapy can offer insight and support rooted in acceptance, not correction.
Resources for Further Reading:
- • Gender Segregation in Childhood (2001) - M.L Hoffman & K.K. Powlishta
- • The boys who would be princesses (2012) - K.E. Wohlwend