Attachment Across the Lifespan: Why It Matters and How It Heals
Attachment isn’t just something that happens in infancy; it shapes our relationships, self-worth, and emotional patterns throughout life.
Whether we're talking about a child clinging to a caring adult, an adult navigating intimacy, or someone learning to trust again in therapy, attachment is always in the background. Understanding it can help you find healing.
What Is Attachment Theory?
Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby and expanded by Mary Ainsworth, explains how early interactions with caregivers create internal templates, called attachment styles, that influence how we relate to others and regulate emotion. These styles can be secure or insecure (anxious, avoidant, disorganized), and they tend to show up in how we handle closeness, conflict, and trust.
Attachment Styles Don’t Just Belong to Children
Although attachment begins in childhood, its impact stretches well into adulthood. We see it in how people handle romantic relationships, parent their own children, or respond to stress. Some clients come into therapy feeling "too much" or "not enough," often because they internalized those messages early on. Therapy becomes a space to examine and revise those old stories.
Healing Through Relationship
The good news? Attachment is adaptable. In therapy, we talk about "earned secure attachment," or the idea that people can build new relational patterns through consistent, safe, and affirming connections. Over time, clients learn they don’t have to stay stuck in their old ways of relating. Repair is possible. Growth is possible.
Tools That Help
Approaches like Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI) are designed to support healing from attachment wounds, particularly in children and within families. But the principles work in therapy with adults, too: connection over correction, regulation before reasoning, and nurturing over judgment.
A Note for the Season
As we approach Thanksgiving, it’s a time when connection and disconnection can feel especially intense. For some, the holidays bring warmth and gratitude. For others, they surface grief, unmet expectations, or strained relationships. Wherever you find yourself this season, know that your experience is valid. Healing starts with acknowledging where you are and giving yourself the grace to grow from there.
Strategize Your Success
At Tactical Counseling, we recognize how early attachment experiences shape who we become and how therapeutic relationships can be part of the healing process. Whether you're parenting, recovering from past trauma, or trying to better understand yourself in relationships, exploring attachment might be the key to moving forward with clarity and connection.
Resources for Further Reading:
- • Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI) – TCU Institute of Child Development
- • Attachments across the life span (1985) - M.D. Ainsworth